


Cerulean and Candy Red

by mitypenguin



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Constructive Criticism Welcome, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Please Don't Kill Me, Rare Pairings, Slow Burn, Stand Alone, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-12 07:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15990317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitypenguin/pseuds/mitypenguin
Summary: Vriska likes Karkat. In a flushed sort of way.And Karkat just might be warming up to her.





	1. Chapter 1

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

AG: Kaaaaaaaarkat!

CG: OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT.

AG: I'm 8ored, Karkat! 8oredy 8ordey 8ored. Soooooooo 8ored. Talk to me!

CG: OH FUCK, WHAT AN EMERGENCY. 

CG: SOUND THE ALARMS, NOOKSUCKERS. YOUR QUEEN, VRISKA SERKET IS BORED.

CG: MAYBE THE GRAND HIGHBLOOD WILL DECLARE MARTIAL "MOTHERFUCKING" LAW UNTIL YOU CAN GET YOUR ENTERTAINMENT FIX. PROBABLY NOT THOUGH, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT. ANYWAYS, THERE'S A SMORGASBORD OF TROLLS TO CHOOSE FROM BESIDES ME.

AG: Not really! You’re the only sane person I know that doesn’t hate me or live underwater!

CG: WRONG.

AG: Well yeah, 8ut you hate everyone, so it doesn’t really count.

CG: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I WAS GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT OR NOT, SPIDER GROPER. I COULD’VE BEEN INFORMING YOU THAT I SPONTANEOUSLY MUTATED SOME FUCKING GILLS AND NOW I’M CRASHING AT FEFERI’S UNDERSEA PALACE.

CG: OR THAT I’VE SUDDENLY BECOME DOWN WITH THE CLOWN AND NOW THE METRIC FUCKLOAD OF SOPOR SLIME I’VE SHOVELED DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE HAS LEFT ME TOTALLY AND UTTERLY BRAIN DAMAGED. BUT NO, YOU JUST HAD TO ASSUME I HATE EVERYONE. YOU JACKASS.

AG: Am I wrong???????? ::::/

CG: NO, BUT IT’S THE GODDAMN PRINCIPLE OF IT, SERKET.

CG: ASSUMING MAKES AN ASS OUT OF U AND ME.

CG: ACTUALLY, NO IT DOESN’T. JUST YOU. 

CG: BUT YOU’RE ALWAYS AN ASS, SO IT DOESN’T REALLY COUNT.

AG: Hahahaha! Oh man, you reaaaaaaaally got me. What a 8urn! Excuse me while I run back to my recuperacoon and cry myself to sleep. Karkat one, Vriska zero!

CG: UGHHHHHHH.

AG: Aw, you were soooooooo close. I’m almost proud of you! Just slap another H on there.

CG: FUCK OFF, I’M NOT TYPING OUT EIGHT H’S JUST SO YOU CAN GET OFF ON YOUR IDIOTIC FETISH FOR THE NUMBER EIGHT.

AG: Awwwwwwww, damnit. :::;(

CG: WHATEVER. SO WHAT'S THE REAL REASON YOU'RE MESSAGING ME OUT OF THE BLUE? BECAUSE IF I KNOW YOU, VRISKA, I'M JUST GOING TO BE SOME PUPPETEERED PAWN IN ONE OF YOUR TROLL NICCOLO MACHIAVELLIAN SCHEMES ONCE YOU DRAW ME INTO YOUR WEB. 

AG: THERE WE GO, SPIDER METAPHOR. AREN'T YOU PROUD?

AG: You're right, Karkat! Aren't you a smart cookie? My actual plan this whole time was to invite you over to my hive to hang out.

AG: 8ut with your clever little think pan working on overtime, we can now skip the formalities and go str8 to the action! I am now fully proud of you. Good job, Vantas!

CG: WAIT, ARE YOU SERIOUS OR ARE YOU BULLSHITTING ME?

AG: No 8ullshit. Let's hang out!

CG: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FEED ME TO YOUR ABOMINATION OF A LUSUS OR ANYTHING?

AG: Nope! ::::)

CG: THIS SCREAMS HORSESHIT, SERKET.

CG: THE HORSESHIT IS SHRIEKING, DESPERATELY SCREECHING OUT IN A FUTILE ATTEMPT FOR SOMEONE, ANYONE TO REALIZE THAT THIS IS PANTS-ON-HORNS RETARDED.

CG: BUT I MEAN, I KIND OF BELIEVE YOU, AND I HAVE LITERALLY NOTHING TO FUCKING DO, SO WHATEVER. 

AG: Hell yeah!!!!!!!!

CG: WHERE'S YOUR HIVE?

AG: Do you know where Equius lives?

CG: NO, WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW THAT. 

DO YOU THINK I'D EVER GO TO THAT SWEATY SEXUAL DEVIANT'S HIVE, LET ALONE WANT TO?

AG: Fair. Do you know where Kanaya lives?

CG: YEAH, SHE LIVES ON THE BORDER OF THAT MASSIVE WASTELAND, RIGHT?

AG: Yeah, I'm smack in the middle of that wasteland. 8ring some snacks, too. May8e even one of your shitty movies!

CG: FUCK YOU, THEY'RE NOT SHITTY MOVIES. THEY'RE CROWNING ACHIEVEMENTS OF CINEMATIC ENGINEERING.

CG: BUT YEAH, I'LL BRING SOME. I'LL PROBABLY GET THERE IN A FEW HOURS, ASSUMING I DON'T CRASH AND DIE IN A HORRIFIC SCUTTLEBUGGY ACCIDENT ON THE WAY THERE.

CG: SEE YOU LATER.

AG: L8r, Karkat! :::;)

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] logged out of Trollian.--


	2. karkat gets his car fixed

Karkat Vantas had survived his perilous trip across the unforgiving Alternian desert. He had narrowly dodged ravenous sandworm lusii looking for a quick meal on wheels, barely sidestepped the wild gilabeasts intent on protecting their territory, and drove through a vicious sandstorm, all just to get to Vriska.

His scuttlebuggy, on the other hand, did not. The dust from the sandstorms had done a number on the windshield, cracking it to high hell and back. All six of its tires were either deflated or punctured altogether. The engine had begun rumbling like a brain-damaged purrbeast on the last leg of the trip, and the odometer wouldn't dare go above 25 (Alternian) miles per (Alternian) hour. The car horn weakly honked, like a sobbing Gamzee denied his Faygo lurked inside the hood. Karkat hoped there wasn't a tearful clown in there. The two had recently broken up their moirallegiance, after all. He'd seen enough despondent juggalos for a lifetime. But the fact that Karkat was now a single man didn't change how the headlights were completely shattered, and worst of all, the windshield cleansing sticks were wrecked. The scuttlebuggy was ruined, and somebody would have to fix it if he ever wanted to get back to his hive.

However, Karkat (as much as he wished he didn't) knew a guy, and he happened to live right next door.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering centaursTesticle [CT] \--

CG: EQUIUS, GET OUT HERE.

CT: D --> That is no way to speak to a highblood of such a caliber as I, lowb100d

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY BLOOD COLOR, YOU HORSE-HUMPING, SWEAT LICKING, SEXUAL DEVIANT.

CG: I COULD BE HIGHER THAN YOU, I COULD BE LOWER THAN YOU, I COULD EVEN BE FUCKING EQUAL TO YOU. THE POINT IS, IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, AND I'LL NEVER TELL YOU BECAUSE EITHER WAY YOU'D POP A BONER.

D --> Why would you hide your b100d if you have nothing to hide 

CG: WHAT PART OF "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, AND I'LL NEVER TELL YOU BECAUSE EITHER WAY YOU'D POP A BONER" ISN'T GETTING THROUGH YOUR THICK FUCKING SKULL? 

CT: D --> Enough

CT: D --> You will cease this behavior at once if you e%pect me to step foot outside my hive

CG: I COMMAND YOU TO STOP COMMANDING ME TO LICK YOUR BOOTS, YOU INDIGO IDIOT. GET THE FUCK OUT HERE. 

CT: D --> Oh my

CT: D --> I require

CG: DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY IT. DON'T YOU FUCKING SAY YOU NEED A TOWEL.

CT: D --> Uhnnnnnf

CG: UGH.

CG: I DIDN'T COME TO YOUR HIVE FOR SOME SEXUALLY EXPLICIT ROLEPLAY, YOU SLIMY PERVERT.

CG: YOU'RE GOOD WITH ROBOTS AND ALL THAT MECHANICAL GEAR-GRINDING BULLSHIT, RIGHT?

CT: D --> Correct

CG: WELL, MY WORTHLESS EXCUSE OF A BUGGY'S BROKEN, AND PARKED PRACTICALLY RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR SHITTY HIVE. CAN YOU PATCH UP THIS PIECE OF SCRAP METAL AND TRY NOT TO GET OFF TO IT?

CT: D --> Why would I ever consider this offer after your udder lack of respect for your superior

CG: 1500 CAEGARS, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, YOU SUPERIOR BULGESNIFFER. FINAL OFFER.

CT: D --> You are in no position to negotiate a deal

CT: D --> You would not dare walk across the desert without a buggy

CT: D --> You would perish in mere hours

CG: NO SHIT, DUNKASS. WHAT KIND OF A NINCOMPOOP DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? I JUST DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO GET A RIDE FROM VRISKA, BECAUSE THAT'S FUCKING RUDE AND I'D LIKE TO LEAVE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON SOMEONE FOR ONCE.

CT: D --> Is that what you are here for

CT: D --> A "date" with Vriska

CG: SHUT UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. CLOSE YOUR SNAGGLETOOTHED PROTEIN CHUTE FOR TWO FUCKING SECONDS, BEFORE I COME IN THERE AND BREAK IT EVEN MORE.

CG: NONE OF WHAT YOU'RE IMPLICATING IS GOING ON, ASSHOLE. WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. YOU JUST WOULDN'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU DON'T FUCKING HAVE ANY, YOU PUNGENT DEGENERATE. 

CT: D --> Likely story

CG: FIX IT, YOU LOATHSOME CHUNK OF MUSCLEBEAST DUNG.

CT: D --> Fine

CT: D --> But only because you asked nicely

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP. 

CG: PAYMENT'S ON THE WINDSHIELD. RUN OFF WITH IT WITHOUT FIXING UP MY SCUTTLEBUGGY AND I'LL PERSONALLY CULL YOU.

CT: D --> I must warn you

CT: D --> If I fi% your vehicle, you would have to spend the day here

CG: FINE. WHATEVER. JUST REPAIR MY FUCKING BUGGY, YOU POMPOUS, HOITY-TOITY SHITNUGGET.

CT: D --> Alright

CT: D--> Have fun on your date

CG: YOU ARE QUITE POSSIBLY THE ABSOLUTE WORST FUCKING TROLL I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE TO SPEAK TO.

CG: AND THAT'S PLATONIC, FUCKWAD. DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering centaursTesticle [CT] \--

After screaming into the night sky for a solid minute due to that absolutely repugnant encounter, Karkat shuffled out of his car with his things, threw a check for 1500 caegars at what was left of the windshield, and walked a short distance to Vriska's hive, taking extra precautions to be safe on the cliffside and not fall into her abominable lusus' web. He stood at the base of the door, rang the bell, and waited.


End file.
